Rudolf and the Racist Reindeer: A Christmas Story

December 23, 2010

How much rejection can one deer take?

Damn those Christmas Carolers!  Have they no clue what they are even singing about? They cluelessly croon along to Rudolf, The Red-Nosed Reindeer without a shred of remorse. Either they are completely aloof or they are part of the grand conspiracy to marginalize the less desirable members of our society. One of our nation’s most popular holiday ditties clearly reeks of bias and prejudice. Rudy’s story is a perfect metaphor for the social imbalance existing in America today.

Let us examine the poor unfortunate soul known as Rudolf. We have a perfectly normal reindeer that happens to be freakish in appearance thanks to his halogen honker. For this reason alone, the poor animal was ridiculed and persecuted by the dominant male heterosexual, Type-A personality stags. Dasher and Dancer used to beat up Rudolf in the locker room and pull his underwear up over his head. Prancer used to poke his antler tip up the rectal regions of Rudolf as he ate his hay. All this because he was different. Yet, the aspect that differentiated him is totally irrelevant. We see the same type of rejection every day in our society. Just replace the neon nose with a dark skin tone, a curious accent or a bizarre rambling way of ranting about absolutely nothing. We all have friends, neighbors and family members excluded from reindeer games simply because they don’t fit the bill as society deems proper. Non-conformists both natural and decided are all seen as outcasts by the Donders and Blitzens who happen to graze on the acceptable side of the tracks.

The disgrace of all this truly comes when Santa Claus, the epitome of all white men ultimately needs this rejected little reindeer to help his racist ass out. The crusty old man realizes that he wants Rudolf, not in spite of his oddity but because of it. Somebody that he once saw as disposable was suddenly seen as key player in the Kringle hood. Yet, who could forget that Santa stood idly by when Vixen dipped the poor kid’s hoof in bear shit as he slept. Santa even chuckled when Comet planted the rat traps in Rudolf’s food trough. Naturally, Rudolf takes the opportunity to be accepted by his persecutors just as his human counterparts generally do. Much to his credit, he does a bang-up job for the jolly ‘ole jerk. Next thing you know, all of those two-faced, horn-headed bastards wanna be tight with Rude-Boy. It goes to show that the non-conformists and minorities of our society are expected to overachieve and outgun the masses just to get a molecule of respect from the bean-counting corporate mammals. Rudolf The Red-Nosed Reindeer celebrates, supports and revels in this gross inequality and I am sick and tired of the ignorance and innocence surrounding that fact.

Now, pick a fucking key or get off my porch you ignorant, Glee-watching, caroling assholes!