10. Employers don’t seem impressed with the Linkedin profile pic of me laying on the sofa in my underwear scratching myself with a turkey leg.
9. Meow Mix doesn’t leave my breath as fishy as other leading brands.
8. Those chicks on Springer really need testing. I mean scholastic… bacterial, whatever.
7. Wednesday matinee strippers have the sex appeal of Rosie O’Donell teaching nude aerobics.
6. The liquor store lines are pretty short first thing Monday morning.
5. My proposal to become the inaugural Wal-Mart sniper tasked with cleaning up the customer base has apparently been rejected.
4. There’s a bar downtown that’ll serve me in my bathrobe and slippers.
3. The woman next door must be expecting a large package because the mailman seems to stay there for at least a half-hour or so each day delivering it.
2. At least 60% of the dog’s ball-washing is purely recreational.
1. Apparently, HandJobs.com is NOT an employment website despite the hours I’ve devoted to it.