Top Reasons Internet Porn is Better than Strip Clubs

1. Norton Internet Security clears viruses without embarrassing antibiotic pick-ups
2. Keyboard drawers provide a physical-stop preventing over extension of the elbow
3. “No Touching” rule holds no jurisdiction within my WiFi network
4. $60 Broadband is less costly than dollar-tucking the drawers of Daddy’s Little Disappointment
5. There’s no weird looking sauces on the buffet at home
6. I’ve finally seen the last of Toofless Taffy, the Wednesday matinee stripper
7. PC never kicks me in the face for sticking my finger in its USB port
8. The only bouncer at Bargain Babe’s Online is Time Warner
9. There’s never a “Dressed Code” where the Android roams
10. As Seen on TV! USB Powered Monitor Wiper Blade

Best (or worst) Christmas Presents Received (or returned) this Year

10. Package of Infini-Dong Reusable Condoms with Deluxe Drying Tree

9. Pet Hamster from the Richard Gere Habitat for Rodent Preservation and Intestinal Exploration

8. My First Buzz: Little-Bee Starter Pot Farm

7. Dr. Breasticles’ Home Implant Kit- Now with extra blades!

6. Famous Anus Recliner Chair: Reshape your ass to emulate the posterior of your favorite celebs with genuine molded ass-a-like seats!

5. Santa’s Sack Warmer: The rechargeable underwear heater for men

4. Gift Certificate for the Kardashian Love Line Advice Network

3. Dashboard Deep Fryer

2. Senior’s Stripper Pole with shock absorbent chair lift and safety rails

1. Booger Pouch