Top Reasons Internet Porn is Better than Strip Clubs

1. Norton Internet Security clears viruses without embarrassing antibiotic pick-ups
2. Keyboard drawers provide a physical-stop preventing over extension of the elbow
3. “No Touching” rule holds no jurisdiction within my WiFi network
4. $60 Broadband is less costly than dollar-tucking the drawers of Daddy’s Little Disappointment
5. There’s no weird looking sauces on the buffet at home
6. I’ve finally seen the last of Toofless Taffy, the Wednesday matinee stripper
7. PC never kicks me in the face for sticking my finger in its USB port
8. The only bouncer at Bargain Babe’s Online is Time Warner
9. There’s never a “Dressed Code” where the Android roams
10. As Seen on TV! USB Powered Monitor Wiper Blade

Top Ten Tips For A Successful Job Interview

 

Today's job market practically demands sexual favors from applicants.

1. A shot of whiskey helps get the smell of beer off your breath
2. Ask your interviewer if pants are required by the company dress code
3. Suggest Wedgie Wednesday as part of Theme Week to help boost employee morale
4. Dress for Success: denim cut-offs, rope belt and riding boots are a must!
5. Compliment the female interviewer, “Nice caboose! What time does the train leave?”
6. Refuse to answer any questions without your lawyers present
7. Really loud flatulence never fails to break the ice and ease tensions
8. Avoid mentioning the pending lawsuits you have against your previous 5 employers
9. Show the interviewer naked pictures of your spouse from the county fair freak show
10. Use industrial-strength, high-impact knee pads